Master 267: Dealing with Brokenness
The following is a version of an article I submitted to an online Christian magazine that a friend of mine runs. If it's published, I'll post a link.
--
What comes to mind when you think of "brokenness"? What images, ideas, or experiences occur to you? A divorced couple? A young man trapped in a drug addiction? A woman in the throws of depression? Someone elderly and ailing who’s been abandoned by family and friends? A family that's lost its home?
The list could go on, of course. And on, and on. I won’t try to give a single sweeping definition of brokenness. We’re all familiar with it. Brokenness is all around us and takes many different forms. Here I just want to highlight three common mistakes that people make when thinking about and trying to deal with brokenness.
Mistake #1: Trying to hide your brokenness and hide from your brokenness.
Let's be honest. It's not fun to admit that you're broken. No one wants to admit that he or she is at wit's end. We spend so much time trying to convince other people and ourselves that we have it all together. We're constantly comparing ourselves to others and trying to show that we're "as good" if not "better." The last thing we want to do is let people see our weaknesses and frailties. Feelings of guilt and shame, failure and inadequacy, lurk nearby. When things start to fall apart, our first impulse often is to hide that truth, from others and from ourselves.
The problem with hiding our brokenness and hiding from our brokenness is that in doing so, we cut ourselves off from the cure. A person who refuses to admit that he's sick is never going to get better. (Mark 2:15-17) To find healing and wholeness, we must be willing to open up to God and to others.
We see this in the experience of one woman who came to Jesus, as recorded in Luke's gospel (7:36-50). He describes the incident as follows:
"Now one of the Pharisees was requesting Him to dine with him, and He entered the Pharisee's house and reclined at the table. And there was a woman in the city who was a sinner; and when she learned that He was reclining at the table in the Pharisee's house, she brought an alabaster vial of perfume, and standing behind Him at His feet, weeping, she began to wet His feet with her tears, and kept wiping them with the hair of her head, and kissing His feet and anointing them with the perfume. Now when the Pharisee who had invited Him saw this, he said to himself, 'If this man were a prophet He would know who and what sort of person this woman is who is touching Him, that she is a sinner.'"
At first, this woman's experience might not seem to recommend being open with one's brokenness. Luke gives us the sense that as this woman steps into the open she is immediately subjected to judgment and condemnation. The Pharisee and his guests don't say anything, but it’s probably obvious what they are thinking.
But think about this: Would it have been better for this woman to have stayed away? Would it have been better for her to steer clear of Jesus altogether? If she had stayed away, think of what she would have missed. Read verses 40-47. There Jesus points out the Pharisee's hypocrisy. Before all his well-to-do guests, Jesus stands up for and protects this woman. Then He says to her: "Your sins have been forgiven. ... Your faith has saved you; go in peace." Imagine, for a moment, what it must have been like to be that woman--to have Jesus look into your eyes, with love and compassion, and say to you, "YOUR sins are forgiven. I love and accept YOU."
If she had refused to acknowledge her need for forgiveness, if she had stayed away and hidden from the dark truth about herself, she would never really have known and experienced the depth of Jesus' love for her and the power of his love and compassion to bring peace and wholeness into her life. If you’re facing brokenness in your own life and wondering how to deal with it--whether it is tied to sin or not--remember this: Openness is an essential ingredient for finding wholeness, healing, and peace.
Ask yourself: Can I admit to people that my child’s disability frightens me? Can I admit to people that my marriage is falling apart? That their ‘jokes’ or ‘teasing’ really hurt me? That sometimes just getting out of bed in the morning feels impossible? Can I admit to people how lonely I am?
Of course, when it comes to opening up to the people around us, some wisdom is called for. There are people, like the Pharisees of old, who will condemn and judge brokenness. "Being open" doesn’t mean allowing just anyone to know about your struggles; but it does mean allowing someone to help you deal with whatever challenges you’re facing. And above all, remember that Jesus is always ready to receive us, just as we are.
God expresses His love and care for the brokenhearted throughout Scripture. Here are just a few examples: Isaiah 61:1, Psalm 34:18; Psalm 147:3. God’s concern for the suffering and broken is written all across the pages of Scripture. But if that heart is misunderstood, it can lead to the second mistake that people (and especially Christians) can make when it comes to thinking about and dealing with brokenness.
Mistake #2: Thinking that brokenness is an especially holy or worthy condition.
If you've not run into this before, you might wonder: Are there really people out there who think of brokenness as an especially holy or ‘worthy’ condition? And the answer is: Yes. Sometimes well-meaning and sincere Christians will take passages like Psalm 34:18 ("The LORD is near to the brokenhearted") or Matthew 5:3 ("Blessed are the poor in spirit") and draw the conclusion that God wants people to be broken or that God prefers people to be poor in spirit.
Of course it is true that many Christians experience God’s immediate help and presence most fully during times of hardship and suffering. Many (like the woman we read about above) learn the most about God from seeing how he moves in the midst of our brokenness. But that doesn’t mean that God ‘prefers’ people who are broken or ‘favors’ those who are suffering.
Jesus encountered one version of this attitude in the religious leaders of His own time and He spoke against it. He said, "Whenever you fast, do not put on a gloomy face as the hypocrites do, for they neglect their appearance so that they will be noticed by men when they are fasting. Truly I say to you, they have their reward in full. But you, when you fast, anoint your head and wash your face so that your fasting will not be noticed by men, but by your Father who is in secret; and your Father who sees what is done in secret will reward you." (Matthew 6:16-18)
The Pharisees went out of their way to show that they were enduring a strict and painful ritual. And they were admired for that. But in doing that, they misunderstood God’s relationship to the suffering.
Have you ever had the thought, "Maybe I would be a better Christ-follower if I grew up in a country where Christians face more persecution"? "Maybe I would trust in God more if I had faced more challenges growing up"? While it is true that the faith of many people has been refined in the furnaces of suffering and difficult time, we need to remember where strengthened faith ultimately comes from. It doesn’t come from our circumstances--good or bad. It comes directly from God.
Have you been inspired by the faith of those who suffered great hardships? Good. Now follow their example: not by looking for difficult circumstances, but by crying out for God. He is ready to receive and respond to everyone--whether your upbringing was rocky or stable, whether your life is comfortable or difficult.
Is your life is falling apart right now, for whatever reason--whether because of your own sin or just the bad things that come from living in this broken world? Don't make the mistake of thinking that God's grace can't reach you. Does your life seems to be going pretty well--you're not facing heavy hardship or serious pain--, but you sense that God is distant? Don't think that something terrible has to happen before you can approach God. Just start calling out to Him.
And this point leads us to the third mistake that people often make when it comes to thinking about and dealing with brokenness.
Mistake #3: Crying out to God (or dealing with our problems) only when feeling broken.
This is one of the most common mistakes that we can make. We see this pattern exemplified in the life of the nation of Israel, as recorded in the book of Judges. When things were going really well, the people would fall away from following God. As a consequence, God would distance Himself from them and bad things would start to happen. The people would cry out to God for help and He would deliver them. Once things were going well again, the people would stop following God. Bad things would start to happen. They would cry out to God. He would deliver them. And the cycle would continue, over and over again.
The people of Israel made the mistake of turning to God only when they faced famine, the threat of attack, or wasting diseases. What they kept forgetting is that turning away from God is precisely what led to those famines, attacks, and diseases. If only the people had been obedient to God during the good times, the bad times might not have happened.
Of course there are no guarantees that being conscientious will always lead to freedom from pain or difficulty. Someone who is conscientious about dieting and exercise may still fall prey to sickness and disease, but they will generally be much better off than the person who pays attention to her health only after she’s gotten sick. Much of the visible brokenness that we encounter in the world is the result of invisible decisions and choices. A marriage doesn’t collapse overnight. An addict isn’t made after just one drink. Rather it’s the accumulation of many small steps (none of which seem consequential in themselves) that eventually upends us in the ‘big problems’ that we often focus on.
How, then, do we avoid making that mistake? We need to develop those habits that will keep us healthy. We need to be faithful and conscientious in even the little things. And we need to remember that walking with God really involves all of our lives. Jesus was a great example of this. He did cry out to God as he contemplated His torture and crucifixion. (Mark 14:32; Luke 22:40) But he also talked to God at other times. (Mark 1:35; 6:46; Luke 5:16; 6:12; 9:18, 28; 11:1; 18:1) In fact the impression that we get from the gospels is that Jesus maintained an almost-constant conversation with His heavenly Father. That is precisely what enabled Him to stand strong in spite of difficult times, His heavy workload, the opposition He faced, and even the cross.
We need to do the same. In John 15:1-11, Jesus directed His followers to "abide in Me." "Abiding" is not a one-time or occasional thing. Jesus was not telling His disciples to come to Him only when things got really bad. Instead, He told His disciples to remain always and continually in Him. The whole reason that there is brokenness in this world to begin with is that people have chosen not to abide in Him. So it makes sense that the road toward healing and renewal involves going after Him--not just occasionally, but all the time.
***
Where do you find yourself today?
Are you struggling with brokenness? Do you feel like you’re at the end of your rope? Don’t make the first mistake of trying to hide your brokenness. Seek out help--from God in prayer and then from a pastor, mentor, or friend who can help you take some appropriate and useful steps.
Do you feel distant from God? Maybe you’re not suffering or facing any serious hardship, but you still sense you’re far from God? Don’t make the second mistake of thinking that a simple change in your circumstances will bring God nearer to you. Instead, cry out to God now. Seek after Him where you’re at, as you are. He loves you and He will respond.
Finally, wherever you’re at in life--whether things are going well or poorly--don’t make the third mistake of waiting until things are bad to call out to God or to seek help. If you recognize some warning signs in your thoughts or behavior, get help now.
Ultimately none of us has final say over what happens in our lives and what troubles we’ll have to deal with. But if we are abiding in God’s grace; if we are looking to Him continually regardless of our circumstances; if we are open with trustworthy people of good character; that will all go a long way toward bringing healing, wholeness, and wellness into our lives and the lives of those around us.
--
What comes to mind when you think of "brokenness"? What images, ideas, or experiences occur to you? A divorced couple? A young man trapped in a drug addiction? A woman in the throws of depression? Someone elderly and ailing who’s been abandoned by family and friends? A family that's lost its home?
The list could go on, of course. And on, and on. I won’t try to give a single sweeping definition of brokenness. We’re all familiar with it. Brokenness is all around us and takes many different forms. Here I just want to highlight three common mistakes that people make when thinking about and trying to deal with brokenness.
Mistake #1: Trying to hide your brokenness and hide from your brokenness.
Let's be honest. It's not fun to admit that you're broken. No one wants to admit that he or she is at wit's end. We spend so much time trying to convince other people and ourselves that we have it all together. We're constantly comparing ourselves to others and trying to show that we're "as good" if not "better." The last thing we want to do is let people see our weaknesses and frailties. Feelings of guilt and shame, failure and inadequacy, lurk nearby. When things start to fall apart, our first impulse often is to hide that truth, from others and from ourselves.
The problem with hiding our brokenness and hiding from our brokenness is that in doing so, we cut ourselves off from the cure. A person who refuses to admit that he's sick is never going to get better. (Mark 2:15-17) To find healing and wholeness, we must be willing to open up to God and to others.
We see this in the experience of one woman who came to Jesus, as recorded in Luke's gospel (7:36-50). He describes the incident as follows:
"Now one of the Pharisees was requesting Him to dine with him, and He entered the Pharisee's house and reclined at the table. And there was a woman in the city who was a sinner; and when she learned that He was reclining at the table in the Pharisee's house, she brought an alabaster vial of perfume, and standing behind Him at His feet, weeping, she began to wet His feet with her tears, and kept wiping them with the hair of her head, and kissing His feet and anointing them with the perfume. Now when the Pharisee who had invited Him saw this, he said to himself, 'If this man were a prophet He would know who and what sort of person this woman is who is touching Him, that she is a sinner.'"
At first, this woman's experience might not seem to recommend being open with one's brokenness. Luke gives us the sense that as this woman steps into the open she is immediately subjected to judgment and condemnation. The Pharisee and his guests don't say anything, but it’s probably obvious what they are thinking.
But think about this: Would it have been better for this woman to have stayed away? Would it have been better for her to steer clear of Jesus altogether? If she had stayed away, think of what she would have missed. Read verses 40-47. There Jesus points out the Pharisee's hypocrisy. Before all his well-to-do guests, Jesus stands up for and protects this woman. Then He says to her: "Your sins have been forgiven. ... Your faith has saved you; go in peace." Imagine, for a moment, what it must have been like to be that woman--to have Jesus look into your eyes, with love and compassion, and say to you, "YOUR sins are forgiven. I love and accept YOU."
If she had refused to acknowledge her need for forgiveness, if she had stayed away and hidden from the dark truth about herself, she would never really have known and experienced the depth of Jesus' love for her and the power of his love and compassion to bring peace and wholeness into her life. If you’re facing brokenness in your own life and wondering how to deal with it--whether it is tied to sin or not--remember this: Openness is an essential ingredient for finding wholeness, healing, and peace.
Ask yourself: Can I admit to people that my child’s disability frightens me? Can I admit to people that my marriage is falling apart? That their ‘jokes’ or ‘teasing’ really hurt me? That sometimes just getting out of bed in the morning feels impossible? Can I admit to people how lonely I am?
Of course, when it comes to opening up to the people around us, some wisdom is called for. There are people, like the Pharisees of old, who will condemn and judge brokenness. "Being open" doesn’t mean allowing just anyone to know about your struggles; but it does mean allowing someone to help you deal with whatever challenges you’re facing. And above all, remember that Jesus is always ready to receive us, just as we are.
God expresses His love and care for the brokenhearted throughout Scripture. Here are just a few examples: Isaiah 61:1, Psalm 34:18; Psalm 147:3. God’s concern for the suffering and broken is written all across the pages of Scripture. But if that heart is misunderstood, it can lead to the second mistake that people (and especially Christians) can make when it comes to thinking about and dealing with brokenness.
Mistake #2: Thinking that brokenness is an especially holy or worthy condition.
If you've not run into this before, you might wonder: Are there really people out there who think of brokenness as an especially holy or ‘worthy’ condition? And the answer is: Yes. Sometimes well-meaning and sincere Christians will take passages like Psalm 34:18 ("The LORD is near to the brokenhearted") or Matthew 5:3 ("Blessed are the poor in spirit") and draw the conclusion that God wants people to be broken or that God prefers people to be poor in spirit.
Of course it is true that many Christians experience God’s immediate help and presence most fully during times of hardship and suffering. Many (like the woman we read about above) learn the most about God from seeing how he moves in the midst of our brokenness. But that doesn’t mean that God ‘prefers’ people who are broken or ‘favors’ those who are suffering.
Jesus encountered one version of this attitude in the religious leaders of His own time and He spoke against it. He said, "Whenever you fast, do not put on a gloomy face as the hypocrites do, for they neglect their appearance so that they will be noticed by men when they are fasting. Truly I say to you, they have their reward in full. But you, when you fast, anoint your head and wash your face so that your fasting will not be noticed by men, but by your Father who is in secret; and your Father who sees what is done in secret will reward you." (Matthew 6:16-18)
The Pharisees went out of their way to show that they were enduring a strict and painful ritual. And they were admired for that. But in doing that, they misunderstood God’s relationship to the suffering.
Have you ever had the thought, "Maybe I would be a better Christ-follower if I grew up in a country where Christians face more persecution"? "Maybe I would trust in God more if I had faced more challenges growing up"? While it is true that the faith of many people has been refined in the furnaces of suffering and difficult time, we need to remember where strengthened faith ultimately comes from. It doesn’t come from our circumstances--good or bad. It comes directly from God.
Have you been inspired by the faith of those who suffered great hardships? Good. Now follow their example: not by looking for difficult circumstances, but by crying out for God. He is ready to receive and respond to everyone--whether your upbringing was rocky or stable, whether your life is comfortable or difficult.
Is your life is falling apart right now, for whatever reason--whether because of your own sin or just the bad things that come from living in this broken world? Don't make the mistake of thinking that God's grace can't reach you. Does your life seems to be going pretty well--you're not facing heavy hardship or serious pain--, but you sense that God is distant? Don't think that something terrible has to happen before you can approach God. Just start calling out to Him.
And this point leads us to the third mistake that people often make when it comes to thinking about and dealing with brokenness.
Mistake #3: Crying out to God (or dealing with our problems) only when feeling broken.
This is one of the most common mistakes that we can make. We see this pattern exemplified in the life of the nation of Israel, as recorded in the book of Judges. When things were going really well, the people would fall away from following God. As a consequence, God would distance Himself from them and bad things would start to happen. The people would cry out to God for help and He would deliver them. Once things were going well again, the people would stop following God. Bad things would start to happen. They would cry out to God. He would deliver them. And the cycle would continue, over and over again.
The people of Israel made the mistake of turning to God only when they faced famine, the threat of attack, or wasting diseases. What they kept forgetting is that turning away from God is precisely what led to those famines, attacks, and diseases. If only the people had been obedient to God during the good times, the bad times might not have happened.
Of course there are no guarantees that being conscientious will always lead to freedom from pain or difficulty. Someone who is conscientious about dieting and exercise may still fall prey to sickness and disease, but they will generally be much better off than the person who pays attention to her health only after she’s gotten sick. Much of the visible brokenness that we encounter in the world is the result of invisible decisions and choices. A marriage doesn’t collapse overnight. An addict isn’t made after just one drink. Rather it’s the accumulation of many small steps (none of which seem consequential in themselves) that eventually upends us in the ‘big problems’ that we often focus on.
How, then, do we avoid making that mistake? We need to develop those habits that will keep us healthy. We need to be faithful and conscientious in even the little things. And we need to remember that walking with God really involves all of our lives. Jesus was a great example of this. He did cry out to God as he contemplated His torture and crucifixion. (Mark 14:32; Luke 22:40) But he also talked to God at other times. (Mark 1:35; 6:46; Luke 5:16; 6:12; 9:18, 28; 11:1; 18:1) In fact the impression that we get from the gospels is that Jesus maintained an almost-constant conversation with His heavenly Father. That is precisely what enabled Him to stand strong in spite of difficult times, His heavy workload, the opposition He faced, and even the cross.
We need to do the same. In John 15:1-11, Jesus directed His followers to "abide in Me." "Abiding" is not a one-time or occasional thing. Jesus was not telling His disciples to come to Him only when things got really bad. Instead, He told His disciples to remain always and continually in Him. The whole reason that there is brokenness in this world to begin with is that people have chosen not to abide in Him. So it makes sense that the road toward healing and renewal involves going after Him--not just occasionally, but all the time.
***
Where do you find yourself today?
Are you struggling with brokenness? Do you feel like you’re at the end of your rope? Don’t make the first mistake of trying to hide your brokenness. Seek out help--from God in prayer and then from a pastor, mentor, or friend who can help you take some appropriate and useful steps.
Do you feel distant from God? Maybe you’re not suffering or facing any serious hardship, but you still sense you’re far from God? Don’t make the second mistake of thinking that a simple change in your circumstances will bring God nearer to you. Instead, cry out to God now. Seek after Him where you’re at, as you are. He loves you and He will respond.
Finally, wherever you’re at in life--whether things are going well or poorly--don’t make the third mistake of waiting until things are bad to call out to God or to seek help. If you recognize some warning signs in your thoughts or behavior, get help now.
Ultimately none of us has final say over what happens in our lives and what troubles we’ll have to deal with. But if we are abiding in God’s grace; if we are looking to Him continually regardless of our circumstances; if we are open with trustworthy people of good character; that will all go a long way toward bringing healing, wholeness, and wellness into our lives and the lives of those around us.
posted by Metaphysician_delta | 9:37 AM
1 Comments:
Good Stuff Louis. I was just thinking about this very topic this morning. Your wisdom is much appreciated.
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